The Best Advice EVER!

I've gotten a lot of advice through the years ... I usually didn't realize how great it was until days (sometimes years) later!

And the very best advice I've ever received was "Don't ever offer anyone advice unless they asked you for advice!" I can't recall where that advice came from , but wow ... can you imagine having to wait for someone to ask for your opinion or advice before you gave it to them?

Through the years I've found that this goes just about 100% against my nature.  I'm not saying that everything that comes out of my mouth is the best idea ever or is guaranteed to work.  It's just that I've got a curious mind and I'm always trying to solve ("fix") problems, things or people.

I've heard that (generically speaking) this is a very much a guy problem.  It seems women are naturally better at just being there and listening.  While I am trying harder, it's not easy to change old habits or your innate nature.  What I've finally come to realize though (as people complain about their circumstances to me) is that most just want to complain.  They may say that they are just "venting", but I feel that they are actually looking for pity.  Pity for them and pity for their circumstances.  And when you offer them unsolicited advice ... (gasp!) ... they are sometimes offended!  To many, having a possible solution means that they can no longer play the victim.  There are some people that just don't like you taking away their victim card.

In any case, for 2016:

• I will try (really, really hard) to be a good listener
• I will focus most of my advice on the guy in the mirror (sharing here for any/all that are interested)
• I will do my best to set healthy boundaries for my children
• I will strive to be a great example for everyone in my life
• And, I will lay in wait, with my ears wide open, listening for the words "I need your advice."  Or, "can I get your opinion on something?"

Have a great day!

The Ninth of Life's Secret Ingredients (9 of 10 or more)

The ninth of Life's Secret Ingredients is perhaps the most difficult one to put into practice!  It is to:

Be accepting, open, listen ... have good ears.

You may have heard the expression "when the student is ready the teacher will appear."  I feel that the student needs to be constantly ready.  There is so much to learn from those around us!  There are examples and warnings everywhere!  And as you've probably learned already in life, people are always willing to give you their opinion ... usually unsolicited.

Their opinion is many times less opinion and more criticism, but you need to learn to take it.  That doesn't necessarily mean that you have to agree with it or change what you are doing.  Although, not all criticism is bad ... surely you've heard of constructive criticism?  Can it hurt ... yes!  Does it need to be fatal .. no!  Again, you don't have to agree with the 'teacher', but they are providing you with valuable information on how you appear (to them), how what you said came across (to them) and perhaps how silly you look in that gingham button down shirt with the white and purple striped pants (to them).

Also, the advice or criticism that they are sharing with you isn't always based in fact.  Many times it's just their belief ... like when they tell you that gingham doesn't go with stripes it is their belief ... well maybe it is a fact, no matter.  But if they tell you if you stick two screwdrivers in an electrical outlet, holding one in each hand that you will get electrocuted ... well that's probably fact.  They've likely done both of those, learn from their mistakes and your life will be better!  Get the idea?

So:  Accept the advice or criticism, process it, learn from it (choose to do what you want with it to make you a better, stronger, happier person!), then thank them and move on!

Have a great day!

Change your shoes!

Walk a mile in someone else's shoes ... yes, for sure!  It's important to see their perspective and to know why they are doing the things they are doing and making the decisions they are making.  In my business I am reminded of this every single day.  People evolve into who they are and their habits/actions have evolved right along with them.  So yes, walk a mile in someone else's shoes before you judge them or offer them advice.

But ... and it's a BIG BUT ... you can and perhaps should change your shoes.  For the most part you picked them!  Just because you are where you are and you are who you are, doesn't mean that you always have to be that way!  Today you can say "I am {insert career or personality} ... and today you can also choose to say "Tomorrow I will be {insert who you want to become}" by "reading this book  ... attending this class ... connecting with this person ... going to this seminar ..."  If you take a look in the proverbial mirror and don't like who you are then you need to shop for some new shoes!  Walk a mile in some different shoes and become who you want to become!

Here are two examples of life's path for two separate individuals:

Hypothetical example number one (but if I spent ten minutes searching the internet I could probably find ten 'real life' examples):

   A child grows up in poverty, is a minority, struggles with sickness and dyslexia throughout his school years ... yet grows up to be someone very special and influential! How does that happen?

Hypothetical example number two (don't have to research this, it's all around me):
   A child grows up in the majority, with common beliefs, common philosophies, gets average grades, goes to an average college, apparently has average dreams and (go figure) ends up pretty average.  How does that happen?

Someone changed their shoes while they were growing up.  They took off their loafers and put on some hiking boots and started to climb!  It was probably a choice that their friends ridiculed them for.  They were probably told "you'll never make it."  But they no doubt said to themselves "I surely won't make it if I don't try!"

Here's one of my favorite lines from one of my favorite bands that I've been dying to use in one of my blogs and I'm squeezing it in here (I think it's appropriate):
            "She never had dreams ... so they never came true." J. Geils Band from "Angel in Blue"

Have a great day!

So you made a bad shot ... now what?

The other day I was listening to a story being told by that great orator Zig Ziglar.  And, as they usually do, this story stuck with me.  Actually, it did more than stick with me ... it inspired me to blog about it!

In brief, the story is about a golfer who is teeing off and happens to be staring at a sixty yard wide (that's one hundred and eighty feet) fairway.  That seems pretty wide ... yet his or her shot goes into the woods.  Once in the woods and standing over the ball the golfer sees two options.  He/she can punch it out onto the fairway very easily and use a stroke, but get a great lie.  Or the golfer can try and punch it through a three foot wide gap that, if hit hard enough, will land the ball on the green.

Forget about having a "Tiger" or "Jack" moment.  What does the smart golfer do?  What does the golfer with average skill do?  What does the golfer who is good at making bad decisions do?

As Zig said "Don't follow a bad shot with a bad decision."  When you find that your actions or decisions have landed you in a tough spot, stop and think about what your next smart step should be!  And if you don't know, seek advice.  On every hole of every round Tiger Woods has a caddy standing right next to him at the ready with his best advice.

Take your own advice!

So many times I have found myself offering advice to friends and family ... usually unsolicited.  But the other day I was recanting in my head a conversation with my brother and realized I was being a hypocrite.

On a recent phone conversation with my brother I was providing him with some great tips on how to eat healthier and get more exercise.  He is not the type to open up too much, so I am quite sure that he hadn't asked me for any help.  Being someone who loves him very much though I felt compelled to shower him with my wisdom!

I mean I really love my brother and I want him to live a long healthy life which is why I was recanting the conversation.  All the time wondering "was he listening?", "what could I have said differently that would have resounded in his mind and motivated him to take action?"

Then I realized, I've been trying to get in shape and lose 20 pounds ... FOR FIVE YEARS!   Why am I preaching to my brother, I need to be preaching to the mirror!  Who am I to offer advice?  I barely passed my annual physical and get winded walking up the stairs to the third floor at my office!

I often listen to a recorded lecture by Jim Rohn and remember him saying "some of you are asking 'Mr. Rohn, how is this stuff working for you?' ... well ... listen to me very closely, but don't watch to carefully!"  Mr. Rohn was a great "preacher" of a philosophy on how to live a successful life.  And even Mr. Rohn was having trouble following all of his own advice.

Unsolicited advice is usually hard to hear and even harder to follow!  How many doctors, nurses and fireman do you know that smoke ... don't they know better?  Aren't they always telling people not to smoke? How many police officers and legal gun owners are injured by their own weapons or fireworks each year due to their own lack of judgement or missteps?  Hmm?

Well the good news for my brother is that I will try not to offer him any unsolicited advice anymore (emphasis on "try") and I will start to heed my own advice.  Those twenty pounds are coming off by Christmas 2015!

Hungry?

Do you ever just find yourself feeling hungry ... you're just not sure what for?

Have you ever found yourself at home on the prowl for a treat, a morsel of anything, even a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  You stick your head in your pantry and all you find is a box of cereal that your 'ex' left behind, a can of black beans and some old nachos.  Next, you open every cabinet in your kitchen to realize that all you have are dishes, pots & pans, a box of mac&cheese and a bunch of spices on a shelf.  Not being in the mood for mac&cheese, you ask yourself ... "I wonder if oregano, garlic powder and dried chives would be good together?"  You wisely decide against that combo and move on ...

Ah-ha!  The refrigerator ... there's got to be something good in the refrigerator!  You run to the door, whip it open, packets of Taco Bell sauces fall off the door ("who put them there anyway?").  You are now standing in front of your 'frig' in a 'Superman' pose, chest puffed out,  ready to conquer the goodness that is stored in this fine Kenmore side-by-side.

Alas, there is nothing edible left.  There is a white foam box from your favorite Italian restaurant ... but you don't even open it, you're too scared.  You know you haven't been to that place in over a month and now is no time for a science experiment.  Your eyes land on a large transparent plastic container that holds what might possibly be a joyful and bountiful container of eggnog.  You turn the container to find the handle and realize that the label says "Milk" ... you scour the container for the 'best by' date and loosely interpret it to read:
              "If you value your life put this container down now!"

You've been searching long and hard now for some morsels to satisfy your hunger ... which has only made your hunger stronger, louder, more painful.  In a final act of desperation your hand moves to the vegetable drawer ... yes desperate times, desperate measures, you will settle for a salad!  You grasp the handle and close your eyes, you slide the drawer open and hear something rolling around, could it be ...?

Your eyes open and fall upon a tri-colored spherical object that you assume was once an orange.  Lying next to it is a clear plastic bag filled with something that is a shade of green you've never seen before and what might be more water than you drink in a day.

You are spent.  You've been conquered.  You sit on the floor in front of your still open Kenmore with your head leaning on your bent knees and your hands folded behind your head.  You realize now that the grocery shopping that you had been putting off would have really paid off at this very moment.  Defeated, you get up, close the refrigerator door and grab your car keys.  Your hunger, while not fed yet, has won.  You are now on a mission to feed that hunger.  As you get in your car, you realized an important lesson, you realize that it is best to be prepared for situations like these.


You will be hungry ... sometimes you won't know what for.  When you go to the 'grocery store' of life.  Load up on a variety things.  Try something new.  Take a class in pottery even if you don't like getting your hands dirty.  Go to a Korean BBQ restaurant even if Italian is your favorite, you might end up with two favorites.   Pick up a book on time management even if you don't think you need it. Take a yoga class even if you don't think your are stressed.

Trying new activities, reading new and challenging materials, tasting new cuisines will help you expand every aspect of your life.  You will have a bigger appreciation for all that our world has to offer.  Don't wait until you are hungry to shop around; be prepared, make sure you have choices available to you, passions that you can pursue!

Feed your hunger!

FINISH

One of the hardest things that I have had to accept as a father is the fact that my kids don’t listen to me. They hear me just fine … they just choose not to heed my advice. Grudgingly, I’ve come to accept this as a fact of life. Kids just don’t want to listen to their parents.

At first I was angry with them for not accepting my pearls of wisdom and learning from the errors of my ways. Then I became angry with myself for not being a better communicator; one who could break the generation gap and crack through their concrete skulls. But after speaking with several dads in my neighborhood; and at my kids’ activities, it was apparent that my title (‘Dad’) is the cause of my consternation.

There wasn’t a lot of comfort in finding out that it’s a normal occurrence. And to some degree it irritates me even more when, for example, I take my son to a pitching lesson or hitting camp and pay someone else to give him the same instruction that I can, and have, given him. BUT HE LISTENS TO THEM! I guess that is money well spent?

But, as I sit here today, I realize that most of the time I don’t even listen to my own advice! If anybody should listen to me … shouldn’t it be me? I’m a pretty accomplished guy … I’ve got two degrees, nearly twenty years of professional experience, fourteen years under my belt as a dad and seventeen years of marriage. There must be tons of wisdom swimming around in my noggin. So my commitment to myself is that I am going to heed my own advice and it begins today!

My son loves playing sports – basketball, football and baseball. And I spend a lot of time working with Conner on his motions – shooting, throwing and swinging. And the best advice that I have ever given him was to “finish” … which has since been reiterated by several coaches whom I have paid hundreds of dollars to (okay, I am still a litter bitter). Following through or “finishing” is key to success whether you are swinging a bat, throwing a football or launching your next BIG IDEA!

My advice to myself (and to you) is to “FINISH!”

No man is an Island - Dad's advice

This is a re-post of a blog that I had done on 6/16/08 ... some of the best advice a father could ever give his son.

I was thinking yesterday (Father's Day) about all the advice that my Dad ever gave me, or at least what I remember hearing. As I am sure that when I was a teen I wasn't doing too much listening. Anyway, the one piece of sage advice that still sticks with me today was what my Dad said to me the night before I moved to Florida. It was a bold move for me. I was leaving home to go to graduate school about 1,200 miles away ... all by myself. This was a choice that I was making partly just to get out from under the roof that I had lived under for over twenty years. It's been almost 17 years and I am still there. In any case, we were in the driveway of my parent’s house. I was finishing up packing my car with all the essentials ... two or three pairs of clean underwear, 50 posters of super-models & famous actresses and a calculator (I wasn't sure if I'd need it, but it was small and fit in the glove box so no harm in bringing it). Dad was letting the dogs out to stretch their legs before bed time. Coincidentally (?), we finished up at the same time and as we were walking into the house Dad said to me "Warren, no man is an island, remember that." I was stunned. I am not even sure if I responded with anything more than an obligatory "Okay, Dad." BAM! Out of left field, with no conversation leading up to it, Dad dropped on me "no man is an island." Perhaps one of the most profound things he has ever said and something that I had heard before. What I do remember thinking at the time was 'what the heck is this guy talking about and why is he saying it to me.' What I realize now was that he was preparing me for life on my own. Basically, letting me know that I wasn't alone, nor should I try to be alone. Of course, I was a young man who knew everything back then ... I'm sure glad that I've forgotten enough to finally start listening. Though I still struggle with it at times, I realize now that I am not an island, I can't do it all myself and when I try to it doesn't always turn out well. I have my wife, my children, my friends and neighbors ... I am not an island, I am not alone. Life gets easier when I (you?) accept this fact. Thanks Dad, Happy Father's Day!