Learn to say no ... nicely

For many of us one of the hardest things in the world is knowing how and when to say "No". I mean on the "Moh's hardness scale" it would be a 9.5. That's smack dab between Corundum (strikingly familiar to conundrum, hmmmm?) and Diamond.

I'm a father of three young children and I live to please others. In fact, I'm learning that most of my pleasure in life has come from making other people happy. But as I've come to find out ... always saying "yes, sure or okay" isn't always in my best interest; or when it comes to children (who haven't fully developed their ability to show good judgement) ... seldom is in it there best interest.

Why must you say "No"? Well, there are many reasons, including:

1. Safety - if little Johnny wants to climb on the roof and pretend he can fly, then "no" is a reasonable answer (this should be an easy one)
2. Health - dessert everyday after dinner, not smart - your kids will try you on, and we all know that this isn't a good idea
3. Time - there isn't enough time in the world to say "yes" to everything that your kids or your boss, or your spouse, or your friends, or your neighbors, or your neighbors friends ... will ask you to do
4. Abuse - being able to say "No" will prevent you from being abused - at work, by other members of the PTA, the Committee, the whatever
   

Awesome, now we know that you have to say "No" on occasion. But how do you say it? Well there are many different ways to say no, and you should always be polite and thoughtful when doing so. Here are a few ways that I've learned (not yet mastered, but working on it):

1. The delaying "No" - Wow, that sounds like a great opportunity that deserves thoughtful consideration ... can I get back to you on that with my decision?
2. Immediate "No" - sometimes this one can be very hurtful, kids can't stand hearing it and will push for an explanation. I had a boss once whose favorite response was "No"; he felt that it was best to say "no" immediately, that the quickness of his decision would reduce suffering and that he could always come back with a "Yes" later. As opposed to saying yes immediately and then trying to say "No" later or "take it back". You just can't was his theory
3. The polite "No" with a reason (good with neighbors/telemarketers): "I'm sorry, but no thank you. That's just not something that I want to/care to/will do right now, because I am saving up for a Unicorn" or whatever
4. The make them choose "No" (effective with bosses who continuously "dump" work on you, never allowing you to come close to catching up) - "I appreciate you coming to me with this project/assignment/report request. It obviously shows that your trust in my abilities/you have confidence in me. Did you want this done before X, Y and/or Z that you assigned to me earlier? If you can help me prioritize these I'll be better able to help us succeed/meet your requests. My boss would either rank the X, Y, and Z for me or (more often than not) say "if you get a chance, that last one is a 'nice to have' not a 'need to have' report."

There are no doubt many more reasons and ways to say "No" ... just know that you need to be able to say it ... for your sanity, so that you can be a better parent, spouse, employee, friend, neighbor. Never saying "No" will likely lead your head to exploding ... and no one will want to clean that mess up (except for the guy/gal that can't say "no").