Unringing the bell.

We've all done it, right?

You open your mouth and out comes a word that you know you shouldn't use.  It's a word or phrase that is  mean and hurtful and you said it on purpose.  Yes you meant to hurt another person because you were angry, mad, furious!  Maybe angry with them, maybe upset about the situation ... but it doesn't matter the reason, your raw emotion took control of your thinking brain and you spewed the evil word(s).

You may have heard the expression "you can't un-ring a bell".  While this is certainly true, you should definitely try to un-ring it.  You should apologize, several times if necessary and hope that the other party is willing to move on from the ugly incident.  People can be more understanding than we sometimes give them credit for ... and yes, like the first line questions we have all done it, right!

Maybe the bell you rang is deafening and the bass was so deep that it stings for many, many days. If your offended party values your history/relationship they will eventually forgive you.  Keep in mind though, they may never forget!  If you are a student of the bible look up the phrase "forgive and forget"; or don't bother, because it's not in there!

Which brings me to the following and more important lesson:

               "Think Before You Ring!"

Sure we all have it in our hearts to forgive someone once.  But twice or three times by the same person?  If you can forgive the same person that many times you are either their mother or just a much better person than me.  And if you "ring" one too many bells you will soon have a reputation and you will start every new relationship on the defensive because the word will certainly get out.  This is the year 2016 and everyone is tweeting, posting to Instagram & Facebook and dozens of other sites.  Think before you ring!

Protect your reputation/character, guard your words/actions!  Next to your health your reputation/character is the most important thing you have going for you.  Think before you ring!

How to catch a monkey and why it's important to you!

Years ago a friend of mine from Nepal told me a story about how to catch a monkey:

You cut the top off a coconut, you tie the coconut to a stake or a tree, you put some peanuts in the coconut and then you wait patiently.  When a hungry (and greedy) little monkey comes along it will reach its hand into the coconut,  it'll make a fist as it grabs the peanuts and then it will struggle to get free.  The silly, greedy, little monkey will keep his hand clenched for a while because he really wants the peanuts in the coconut ... giving you ample time to run up and grab the monkey.  I may not remember the story correctly, but I believe that once caught the monkey's name was changed to "dinner".

Are you like the monkey in the story?  Are you hanging onto something that is dangerous, worthless or useless ... but is keeping you from moving on in life?  Have you been hanging onto something or someone from your past in an unhealthy way.

Don't be like the monkey in the story.  You need to understand that many times letting go of something will allow you to move on, to survive ... even to thrive!  It may be a bad habit of yours, a flawed philosophy or an unhealthy relationship.  Understand that bad habits can be replaced with good habits; flawed philosophies can be replaced with proven ones; and, bad relationships can be replaced with healthy ones (there are seven billion people in the world ... it's time to move on!)

The silly, greedy, little monkey became dinner ... don't be like the monkey!

Have a great day!

The Best Advice EVER!

I've gotten a lot of advice through the years ... I usually didn't realize how great it was until days (sometimes years) later!

And the very best advice I've ever received was "Don't ever offer anyone advice unless they asked you for advice!" I can't recall where that advice came from , but wow ... can you imagine having to wait for someone to ask for your opinion or advice before you gave it to them?

Through the years I've found that this goes just about 100% against my nature.  I'm not saying that everything that comes out of my mouth is the best idea ever or is guaranteed to work.  It's just that I've got a curious mind and I'm always trying to solve ("fix") problems, things or people.

I've heard that (generically speaking) this is a very much a guy problem.  It seems women are naturally better at just being there and listening.  While I am trying harder, it's not easy to change old habits or your innate nature.  What I've finally come to realize though (as people complain about their circumstances to me) is that most just want to complain.  They may say that they are just "venting", but I feel that they are actually looking for pity.  Pity for them and pity for their circumstances.  And when you offer them unsolicited advice ... (gasp!) ... they are sometimes offended!  To many, having a possible solution means that they can no longer play the victim.  There are some people that just don't like you taking away their victim card.

In any case, for 2016:

• I will try (really, really hard) to be a good listener
• I will focus most of my advice on the guy in the mirror (sharing here for any/all that are interested)
• I will do my best to set healthy boundaries for my children
• I will strive to be a great example for everyone in my life
• And, I will lay in wait, with my ears wide open, listening for the words "I need your advice."  Or, "can I get your opinion on something?"

Have a great day!